24 June 2011

Nerd Gender Dichotomy

As a teenager I was a pretty hardcore geek. I saved money to buy import CDs and checked out a lot of graphic novels from the library.
Just picture the music nerd at your school, usually a guy with long dirty hair, okay? That was me. My personal style was loud polyester shirts in the winter and concert t-shirts in summer.

If I had one selfish wish it would have been to be re-born in the early 1960s so I could grow up listening to Janis, Jimi and Zeppelin... move to NY for the height of CBGB... then move to Boston for the rise of the Pixies, Throwin Muses, et al.

I worked as a projectionist from about 16 - 21. This turned me into an even bigger nerd. I memorized the films of Stanley Kubrick and spent a lot of time debating shit like why PT Anderson's Magnolia was / was not a derivative p.o.s. (answer - yes it was, see Robert Altman's Short Cuts).

All my friends were nerds too and, well, most of them were dudes. At the time I thought, "these guys are smart and interesting - and they're all super-interested in my opinion." Holy shit.

Of course now I know better. Those dudes weren't interested in why The Head on the Door is The Cure's best album... they were waiting for me to have one too many Henry Weinhard's. Too bad for them. I sincerely thought our chit chat was about the music (and nerdy guys are too passive to try anything) so the '95 Mirage and I would go home unmolested.

Looking back, I realize that if I had been born a dude, I'd still be a virgin. What guy can get away with driving a late model car, disliking children, being an ubernerd ... and still get laid? It's impossible (except maybe in Portland - but the nerdy guy would have to be in a band).

nerd geek dork ven diagram

Just for S's and G's I recently took the the Nerd, Geek or Dork test.

Warning about the test link above: to take the test it makes you create an account at OK Cupid. Just type in a fake email to proceed. Sorry guys, I won't be answering the hookup email you just sent to "joemama@yourmom.com."

Here are my results (see below - email subscribers may need to click through to view images).

 geek test results shown as three graphs

Apparently I'm less of a nerd than I thought. I am, however, in the top percentile for geekosity and dorkiness.  On the upside, my celebrity counter part is... Bill Gates.

Maybe if I'd answered "most of the time" to that black turtleneck question I would have been Steve Jobs. Har har har.

geek test results - why I'm like Bill Gates /></a></div><br />
<br />
<br />
Outcast Genius<br />
(picture of Bill Gates)<br />
65 % Nerd, 70% Geek, 57% Dork<br />
<br />
Joe Normal<br />
Pure Geek<br />
Pure Nerd<br />
Pure Dork<br />
Computer Savant<br />
Tri-Lamb Material<br />
Modern, Cool Nerd<br />
Outcast Genius<br />
<br />
A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.<br />
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.<br />
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.<br />
You scored better than half in all three, earning you the title of: Outcast Genius.<br />
<br />
Outcast geniuses usually are bright enough to understand what society wants of them, and they just don't care! They are highly intelligent and passionate about the things they know are *truly* important in the world. Typically, this does not include sports, cars or make-up, but it can on occassion (and if it does then they know more than all of their friends combined in that subject).<br />
<br />
Outcast geniuses can be very lonely, due to their being outcast from most normal groups and too smart for the room among many other types of dorks and geeks, but they can also be the types to eventually rule the world, ala Bill Gates, the prototypical Outcast Genius.<br />
<br />
Congratulations! <br />
<br />
<div class=

Anyway, Bill Gates reinforces the point I'm trying to make. I bet Mr. Gates wasn't much of a ladies man in his teens and 20's. I'm not trying to talk any crap about Bill Gates here, I'm just taking a wild guess. He's just lucky he thought up the personal computer instead of, you know, nachos on a stick. Which, by the way, I wish someone would hurry up and invent.

urkleMy Korean-American (guy) friend and I were having a discussion about our teenage years, and he said being a male Asian nerd is three to the ninth power worse than being a female nerd. He pointed out that everyone likes Asian girls (check the back of your local newsweekly if you don't believe me) but there are very few Asian male sex symbols.

It just occurred to me that the last sentence I wrote will probably get this blog flagged as spam. Oh well.

So anyway, experience now tells me:

#1 Being a nerdy girl... not so bad compared to being a nerdy boy.

#2 Meaningful conversation with a dude can be duplicitous. The more interested they seem, the worse their intentions.

#3 I have been under-charging for my good company. 
In Orange County men will pay $237 - $399 for a date.

Yeah, yeah, I know: "date."

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