Nerd Gender Dichotomy

As a teenager I was a pretty hardcore geek. I saved money to buy import CDs and checked out a lot of graphic novels from the library.
Just picture the music nerd at your school, usually a guy with long dirty hair, okay? That was me. My personal style was loud polyester shirts in the winter and concert t-shirts in summer.

If I had one selfish wish it would have been to be re-born in the early 1960s so I could grow up listening to Janis, Jimi and Zeppelin... move to NY for the height of CBGB... then move to Boston for the rise of the Pixies, Throwin Muses, et al.

I worked as a projectionist from about 16 - 21. This turned me into an even bigger nerd. I memorized the films of Stanley Kubrick and spent a lot of time debating shit like why PT Anderson's Magnolia was / was not a derivative p.o.s. (answer - yes it was, see Robert Altman's Short Cuts).

All my friends were nerds too and, well, most of them were dudes. At the time I thought, "these guys are smart and interesting - and they're all super-interested in my opinion." Holy shit.

Of course now I know better. Those dudes weren't interested in why The Head on the Door is The Cure's best album... they were waiting for me to have one too many Henry Weinhard's. Too bad for them. I sincerely thought our chit chat was about the music (and nerdy guys are too passive to try anything) so the '95 Mirage and I would go home unmolested.

Looking back, I realize that if I had been born a dude, I'd still be a virgin. What guy can get away with driving a late model car, disliking children, being an ubernerd ... and still get laid? It's impossible (except maybe in Portland - but the nerdy guy would have to be in a band).

Just for S's and G's I recently took the the Nerd, Geek or Dork test.

Warning about the test link above: to take the test it makes you create an account at OK Cupid. Just type in a fake email to proceed. Sorry guys, I won't be answering the hookup email you just sent to "joemama@yourmom.com."

Here are my results (see below - email subscribers may need to click through to view images).

 

Apparently I'm less of a nerd than I thought. I am, however, in the top percentile for geekosity and dorkiness.  On the upside, my celebrity counter part is... Bill Gates.

Maybe if I'd answered "most of the time" to that black turtleneck question I would have been Steve Jobs. Har har har.

Anyway, Bill Gates reinforces the point I'm trying to make. I bet Mr. Gates wasn't much of a ladies man in his teens and 20's. I'm not trying to talk any crap about Bill Gates here, I'm just taking a wild guess. He's just lucky he thought up the personal computer instead of, you know, nachos on a stick. Which, by the way, I wish someone would hurry up and invent.



My Korean-American (guy) friend and I were having a discussion about our teenage years, and he said being a male Asian nerd is three to the ninth power worse than being a female nerd. He pointed out that everyone likes Asian girls (check the back of your local newsweekly if you don't believe me) but there are very few Asian male sex symbols.

It just occurred to me that the last sentence I wrote will probably get this blog flagged as spam. Oh well.

So anyway, experience now tells me:

#1 Being a nerdy girl... not so bad compared to being a nerdy boy.

#2 Meaningful conversation with a dude can be duplicitous. The more interested they seem, the worse their intentions.

#3 I have been under-charging for my good company. 
In Orange County men will pay $237 - $399 for a date.

Yeah, yeah, I know: "date."