22 February 2009

19 February 2009

I Guess No One Ever Said Buying A Condo Would Be Easy

I Want this Condo Deal to Be OVER

This past Tuesday was an important day. I sent over the big wire transfer for my condo... and then I heard nothing.

It's been just over two days now and no one has said, "hey we got your money" or "hey come get the keys."

I emailed my real estate agent this afternoon and asked, "sooooo, I can move in next weekend right?" and "how about them keys?"

Before I get any further into this, let me say: I had a bad feeling that this process was going all-too-smoothly.

For one thing, this condo is a short sale. This is bad because the bank has you by the balls the entire time. From the very beginning they jack with you. I put an offer in on a condo back in mid-December and they took over a month to say, "no thanks." Meanwhile the condo stays on the market while they wait for higher offers to come in.

The situation gets better: there are TWO loans on this condo. There's the mortgage and then there's some other loan with BANK OF AMERICA for $3,000. These aren't my loans, okay? I don't know where the $3,000 loan came from, but we negotiated a deal where I pay half and the bank eats the other half.

... or so I thought.

Escrow was supposed to close TOMORROW. As in: tomorrow I was supposed to get the keys and be a happy homeowner.

Apparently not.

The representative at BANK OF AMERICA who coordinated that "halfsies" deal – quit. Now the paperwork is on someone else’s desk and the bank is saying, “weeeelllll, maybe we don’t want to write off the other half of this loan.”

Dude, if I changed my mind on that deal, they’d send my ass to collections.

What other industry can get away with this transactional flip-flopping? If I agree to buy a car, and come in the next day to pick it up, the dealer can't say, "uh, the guy you bought that car from doesn't work here any more and we want to charge you more so we're going to change the price of your car."

The realtors will call BANK OF AMERICA tomorrow and try to negotiate something. At which point one of three things will happen:

#1 Escrow will close on Monday (instead of Friday)


# The bank will say “we’re going to think about it for a couple weeks.”

Which means I have to negotiate something with the apartment people (who will ream me on next month's rent) and of course reschedule the move.

Then who knows? They're probably thinking, "this chick is antsy to move, if we wait her out she'll just pay the whole thing." She can't live out of boxes forever...

Dude, this really bugs me.

18 February 2009

I Don't Think You're Ready for this Jelly

100 Days / 100 Dances / 100 Locations
(and NO that's not me dancing)

BOOMBOX from Ely Kim on Vimeo.

Ready to get some jelly? Ever wonder what a 60 lb Rice Crispie treat would look like? Thisiswhyyourefat.com

17 February 2009

Fifteenth Time's the Charm

The Final Week of Escrow

I'll be honest with you, I don't really understand escrow. I've been sitting here, twiddling my thumbs for three weeks waiting for them to say, "okay write the big check."

In the meantime I've signed stacks and stacks of paper - most of which they tried to send via overnight courier for $30 a pop. I insisted on UPS ground which gets it there at the same time for one-fifth the price.

Seriously people. This too old school for me. I know these documents are important, but the fact is: I don't get to make changes to them anyway. In the end, I have to sign. So why not do this interweb style and just have an "I Agree" check box and a "next" button.

After clicking "next" a screen would load where you put in your bank account number and it sucks all the money out of your savings account. Voila. Done. Same as escrow but in a fraction of the time.

Finally the big day has come. With four days left in escrow ...

...I wired over the down payment today. Moving day is next Saturday, so, in two weeks I will be installed in my new place. Here's what it looks like.

I plan to rip up the carpet and put in tile. That's about it right now.

A really nice lesbian couple owns it now and they did some nice upgrades. I feel bad they got foreclosed upon. They paid $145,000 more than I paid for this place (and not that long ago).

Oh, and if you're wondering what the subject line means - this is the 15th place I've lived in ten years. Mom writes my address in her address book in pencil.

09 February 2009

Things that make you go.... WTF?

I took a couple days off work last week and of course it rained the whole time. I got some quality internet surfing in and here are some odd things I found:

#1 Dining in the Dark
There's a restaurant in LA (and San Diego) called Opaque where you eat in the pitch black dark. I guess the idea is, by eating in the dark the food's taste is not obscured by how it looks.

I wonder if they let you pay in the dark? Yeah, that's three $20's.

#2 Median versus average household income

The median household income in the US is about $50,000/year
The average household income is $317,000

The average household income in California is just under $60,000 - but we're not the #1 state. I'm going to call my lawyer.

#3 Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice - Zombie edition

The blurb on this book says it includes the original text of
Austen's beloved novel with "new bone-crunching zombie action." I wonder if they try to integrate it in or if they just start a new chapter with

"... all of a sudden, a zombie bit into Mr. Darcy's jugular."

(thanks to Cary for finding this last one)