04 June 2008

My Top 5 Vice Presidential Running Mate Nominees

I doubt Barack Obama is a loyal reader of Behind the Orange Curtain - but just in case: here are my top five suggestions for the democratic vice-presidential nominee:

#1 R. Lee Ermey - Staff Sergeant USMC (retired)

R Lee ErmeyAdvantages: the most entertaining vice-presidential debate in history.
Disadvantages: if the Congressman from Arizona does not wipe that shit-eating grin off his face, Ermey will gouge the Congressman's eyes out and skull fuck him.


#2 Al Gore - The Bridesmaid

Al GoreAdvantages: 8 years experience, Nobel Peace Prize winner, harbinger of all that is earth-destroying (global warming, Manbearpig, etc).

Drawbacks: where were those superhero powers when he did work on Capitol Hill? Is the Washington Monument made of kryptonite?



#3 John Cusack - The Unconventional Hero

John CusackAdvantages: historical precedent for his candidacy, will secure the votes of music geeks and every red-blooded American woman.

Disadvantages: no political experience, starring role in Must Like Dogs suggests Cusack's standard of ethics may depend on size of paycheck.


#4 Oprah - America's Best Friend

Oprah for vice-presidentAdvantages: already an Obama supporter, wealthiest woman in showbiz, promotes reading, founded school in Africa, initiated Child Protection Act (see Oprah's Bill)
Disadvantages: government bureaucracy would only lessen her ability to make the world a better place.


#5 My Mom

Advantages: would not tolerate any backtalk from the president, Congress, or anyone else for that matter, unstoppable, "because I said so," platform, passes for Mexican in South Dakota.
Disadvantages: wouldn't move to Washington DC, easily persuaded by lobbyists with Japanese food.


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5 comments:

Dinah said...

I love it. And I'd totally vote for the Obama/Denny ticket. But I can just imagine finding us half-owned by Japan in 3 years, and your mom being like, "They had sashimi! Listen: don't sass me!"

sarahjane95 said...

Of all John Cusack's films, Must Love Dogs is his only serious weak point. I'm sure others could be argued, but I'd like to throw out the notion that it was the co-star not the paycheck that wooed him. Let's face it Diane Lane, pretty classy chick. Obama, also pretty classy chick ;-)

Obama/Cusack in 08!

mAc said...

Ermey. All the way. Congress will walk home daily with either a limp or a red face and always with tears. The world will tremble.

smartwick said...

MOMbama! I love that she'd be considered Mexican in South Dakota. :)

Anonymous said...

Megan, you forgot the "Mom look" that I give when responses are inappropriate or lacking in good judgment. And if that did not stop Congress or anyone else from backsliding or trying to pull a fast one, David promised he would buy me that humvee with the guns mounted on the back.