25 May 2007

Don't These Idiots Watch Sci-Fi?

Scientists have discovered an opening into the underground world of Mars.

For the last few years, scientists have speculated that Mars may have a large underground cave system. The recent discovery of a large hole in a lava field is strong evidence that the caves exist...however:

"The cave is so big and so deep that almost none of the light that enters the cave comes out...the hole that we see really is just a skylight on a big subterranean room. How big? We'll never know for sure without visiting it."

Attention speleologists: stop speleoizing! We don't even know what's in our own damn holes here on earth.* Go dig around in the Marianas Trench for godsakes.

For the love of God, humanity, and this gentle blue planet we call home: LEAVE THE SPACE HOLE ALONE.

They have a photo of the hole, and they estimate the opening is 328 feet / 100 meters across. Just look at the damn thing. The image represents an area about six football fields across. The hole, as you can see, is about 100 meters wide which is the equivalent of:

Three football fields
Nine school buses
or twenty-seven Little Red Cars

Did no one learn anything from sci-fi? Did no one poke a stick into a hole as a child and have something bad happen? I for one don't want to find out what the Martian equivalant of fire ants are.

I really want to hear from you guys on this one. In your scientific opion, what's going to rise up from those subturranean caves? I just need to know how to prepare . . .

11 May 2007


I have invites for Joost. Email me if you want one.

What is Joost?

03 May 2007

Fake Meat Part One - "Turkey"

Some folks around the office have decided to "go veg" on the advice of their doctor. I don't know if it's my reputation as a northwesterner or my gangly body shape, but somehow everyone knows I'm the resident expert on vegetarian cuisine.

Recenlty I've been trying out vegetarian turkey slices. There are several different brands, but the easiest to find are: Tofurky, Yves, and Lightlife. I've been able to find one or all of these at: Trader Joe's, Albertson's, and Pavillions (Safeway).


The original purveyours of turkey-that-is-not-turkey have a tolerable but disappointing product. The slices get tough after a few days in the fridge, and it has an over-bearing flavor. I enjoy Tofurky's carve-able turkey product, so I'm not sure what goes wrong in the conversion from loaf to slice. Perhaps that wild mushroom gravy has been masking it all along, or perhaps the Hickory-ifying is to blame.


I am a longtime fan of the Lightlife product line - especially for Mexican food. The Smart Strips are great for fajitas and the Smart Ground is unbeatable as a ground beef substitute in tacos. The turkey slices aren't bad, but they aren't great. The taste is mild; the texture is moist without being slimy. If the choice is between Smart Deli and Tofurky, I opt for Smart Deli. But I prefer . . .


Oh baby. I could eat some of this right now - some pepperjack cheese, a little spicy brown, get in mah belly! Yves has a very mild pepper-y flavor which is complimentary to just about anything. When paired with a mild cheese, the flavor steps up and politely insists on being noticed. If you go for a gutsier cheese like smoked gouda or pepperjack, this "meat" is happy to hang out, unobtrusively in the background.

I've included links to the nutrition information because I know salt and carbs are of interest to some folks and I only judged them on taste. The Yves product, much as I enjoy it, has 14% of your daily sodium per four slice serving. The good news is, four slices pretty much takes care of the job.

I think there's room for newcomers in the fake turkey arena. I'd also like to see Tofurky come out with a "new and improved" product. I will be the first person in Orange County to buy it.

- MD