01 April 2006

Oh My God I'm "That Girl"

Hello all,

Guess what, I cut off most of my hair. Wheeee...this is not an April Fool's joke. Actually, I didn't mean to lose quite so much of it, but, oh well. It was for a good cause.

I donated a 10" braid to Locks of Love (they make the hair into wigs for children with alopecia or cancer). The salon that handled the donation also "styled" my hair which I guess means three more inches had to be whacked off. They also flatironed me. I think it looks okay, although, my first reaction was, "Oh My God, I'm 'That Girl.'"

The haircut was yesterday, but prior to that I've been travelling quite a bit (five days home, five days gone, five days home, etc). I meant to write sooner, but every time I landed home for a few days, I found I'd left my personality behind. By the time it caught up with me, it was time to go to another trade show.

Since I last wrote, I've been to Chicago, Cabo San Lucas, and New Jersey.

Chicago... not much to report other than I still love the rotating toilet seats at O'Hare. I know they've been around forever, but I can't resist pushing the rotate button two or three times. Guys - if you've only gone to the bathroom to pee, you're missing out.

Cabo San Lucas... my oh my.
It was fun, it was a learning experience, and I'm never going back there again. Do you think Italians (from Italy) visit Little Italy in New York? I only ask because I feel like Cabo is nothing more than "Little USA," only with underage drinking and boobs.

What happens to these chicks when they fly over the Mexican border that makes them think, "You know what? I WILL show my tits to this creep. Hell yes, girl power." What's even weirder is, there's no exchange of goods - they don't get a necklace of beads or a free drink or anything. It's just boobs for boobs sake.

Want to know what's worse? Here's the scenario: I'm sitting on the beach in a plastic chair waiting for my $35 plate of pasta and shrimp (sans shrimp) to arrive. At the palapa bar next door, they are having some kind of contest involving ten girls in bikinis dancing on a stage to, "My Humps" (what else?). The MC is incensing the crowd to cheer by blowing on a whistle, waving his arms, and occasionally hosing down the girls. The song ends, and he says, "Hokay we have new contest. We see which girl can take off her bikini bottom and leave it off for twenny seconds. You got that? No bikini bottom, twenny seconds. Hokay? Ready, GO!"

Dude. Think about that for a second . . . $35 US dollars for a plate of pasta - in Mexico! Okay, I'm kidding (I argued and only paid $12). No, seriously, would you show your butt/coochie to dozens of moronic frat boys? I don't know what the prize was, but, as you'll soon read, the prize is a moot point.

To my shock and horror, not one of the girls told the guy to "go to hell." Off came the bottoms! They all turned around and whipped off their bikini bottoms. The MC spanked each one on the butt and all the guys cheered, and then 20 seconds was up. The MC yells, "Hokay! Everybody is a winner!"

I respectfully disagree, Senor. Everyone is a total f-ing loser.

I do have some nice things to say about Cabo, but none of them are funny. In brief, the place we stayed was gorgeous (brand new place, ocean view, huge balcony, jacuzzi, kitchen with fridge, freezer and blender. . . it was great). I was there for a friend's 30th birthday and she hooked the whole thing up - we had massages, we went to a salsa club and a swanky jazz bar, it definitely had its high points. Oh yeah, and I sat one row away from Sammy Hagar on the flight back (used my miles to fly 1st class).

Speaking of flying, Alaska is offering some great deals from Portland to Southern California. Unfortunately, there are no deals direct from Portland to Orange County, but you can get pretty close.


PDX to LAX(about 90 min N) - $99 each way
PDX to Ontario (about 60 min E) - $109 each way

To score the deals above, you must reserve your flight 3 weeks in advance and complete your travel by August 3rd. I think the special offers are the same for Seattle departures - I think you know who you are. Here's the link: http://www.alaskaair.com/as/www2/Promo/farepromos/springsale.asp

Until next time,

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http://themadhapa.blogspot.com