08 March 2005

ipex shmipex

Have you see the TV ad for the Victoria's Secret Apex bra? Or, Ipex or whatever the hell it's called?

It's basically the supermodel Giselle standing on a catwalk and flinging her arms around while flashbulps pop all around. The voiceover tells the viewer that the Ipex bra is the most high-tech and comfortable bra ever. From the looks of things, even the bustiest of women can achieve complete support and comfort while -as the ad demonstrates- standing in one place.


As a marketeer, I fully understand the dichotomy of marketing women's lingerie: you're selling to women but appealing to men. I get that. The women want to be the chick in the ad because all the guys think she's hot. Uh huh.

But, dammit, seeing some amazon in high heels posing in her skivvies does not inspire me to go down the local mall, find parking, fight the crowds, dig around for my size, wait for a dressing room, try the darn thing on, and pay $45 freakin' dollars.

You know what MIGHT inspire me to do it? I'd like to see a woman (with at least a "C" cup and no visible muscle tone) running down a flight of stairs, and looking happy about it.

Hell, maybe even a cheesy compare and contrast. Something like this:

Aforementioned woman galloping down the stairs, bosoms heaving (maybe one hits her in the neck or knocks her coffee out of her hand). In the bra-view cutaway we see the inferior bra acting as little more than a boob sack. The woman is clearly uncomfortable, and to add insult to injury, she has to pass the creepy guy from accounting who leers at her and smiles a big perv. smile and says "nice sweater."

Then they show the IPEX:
The same woman as before is descending the stairs rapidly as before only this time she is carefree. The cutaway shows her completely strapped in with little-to-no movement. Yet, outwardly, the woman's upper torso appears very shapely. She passes the same creepy accountant, but this time, he ignores her.

Eh? Eh?

Now THAT is a bra I would buy.

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