18 January 2004


As someone who likes to know exactly what she'll be doing next Tuesday at 11:32 a.m., the upcoming unstructured week has me feeling both confused and liberated.

Finally . . . I can get around to fixing the crack in my windshield washer fluid reservoir, making a cityscape out of all that styrofoam I collected, and sending out some query letters. AND, thanks to our recent trip to Tijuana, I can do all of the above while wearing a Mexican wrestler mask and sipping on an Amaretto-enhanced beverage.

Yes, Tijuana. As we crossed "Rio Tijuana" (little more than a puddle), we saw at least a dozen children begging for money using empty McDonald's cups and singing songs with no melody. Barry observed, "It makes you feel good to be an un employed American." Maybe not good, but at least grateful.

But, HEY, this is Tijuana, where America comes to party! If all the poverty gets you down, there are at least 100 pharmacies within a 10 block radius ready to dispense you Prozac, Viagra, Premarine, Codine or any number of reduced-price prescription drugs. Drugs not working quickly enough? Well, amigo, perhaps you need a shot of Tequila and an over-sized sombrero. That's what all Americans like. I bought the aforementioned mask and a handful of souvenirs and prayed I wasn't significantly contributing to the problem.

Ultimately, I think the trip was worthwhile as Barry and I thought of a great money-making venture. Since we were unable to find a postcard that said, "Tijuana is for lovers," we considered creating our own (featuring a bikini-clad woman and a donkey, of course)*. We could sell this postcard to the Gringos on the weekends and supplement our income until we find jobs.

* I thought this girl-on-donkey thing was a really foul, offensive and stupid joke. Apparently, it is quite real. Someone propositioned Barry with, "Hey, amigo! You ready? Listo? Donkey show!" What the Mexican people must think of us . . .

In the meantime, I continue to look for work. Here are two of the more colorful postings I happened upon:

(From L.A. Craigslist.com)

Hi, we are a party rental company doing a 1/4 page ad in Variety. We need your cleavage to place a fork in-between and photo. You can place the fork if uncomfortable. Photo team consists of a guy and a girl. We do not have a van, no nudity required, good-humored assignment. Whole thing should take 5-10 minutes.
Compensation: $5

Home Depot

With a new store opening, on average, every 43 hours, The Home Deport is seeking individuals who are passionate about creating or broadening a career with a company that is experiencing unprecedented growth.

Minimum Qualifications:
Must be 18 years of age or older
Must pass the Drug Test
Must pass the Background Check
Must have the ability to work a minimum 55 hour a week schedule.

Until next time . . .

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